Elizabeth
20, Neuroscience Student
When Elizabeth was younger she hated change, especially the change that occurred when her body began to develop. “I became frightened and thought that if I could stop these physical changes then maybe I would be able to stay a child,” she said. As these lies grew stronger she started cycles of restricting food to stop her body from developing then bingeing because she was so hungry. After only four months, she began purging anything she ate.
“This became my little secret that no one could take away, and became a part of me that I couldn’t live without. I thought I would be happy with what I pictured as the perfect body, but never achieved that body because my view kept changing as I lost more and more weight. I became severely depressed, and planned to commit suicide many times,” she said.
Elizabeth’s parents knew she was spiraling out of control, and so they sent her to an inpatient treatment facility for 60 days. Unfortunately, Elizabeth wasn’t ready to change her behaviors and she relapsed after being home for three weeks.
She became obsessed with nutrition, and the eating disorder became a game of control between her and her parents. “I lied and manipulated, hiding food in pockets, purging in buckets, and exercising in the middle of the night,” continued Elizabeth. “Getting away with it made me feel powerful.”
Her parents found another facility, which was a six-month program. Again, Elizabeth went with a small desire to change; however, while she was there she developed a desire to have a relationship with God. She really applied herself and worked hard to complete the program. She graduated that program believing she had been healed and would be free from her past issues forever. Life went well after she moved home for a short time, but then she started to follow a familiar path.
“My relationship with God was built mostly on emotion and as my “God high” went away, I thought God left me as well,” she said. “I felt guilty, and believed God gave up on me. There was no one who could help. When I started to relapse my guilt and shame began to permeate every part of my life. I had failed God, family and myself.”
Elizabeth then started self-harming to express the pain that she couldn’t express verbally. She knew she was depressed and angry, and that she needed help. She was willing to receive help, and ready to do the hard work.
“Making the final decision to apply for AFH was not easy because I was enrolled at the university in my city with a full-ride scholarship. Outwardly it looked like I had my whole life ahead of me, but I knew that living with my addictions wasn’t living. It was either give up a year or give up the rest of my life.”
While at AFH, Elizabeth identified and confronted the lies she told herself. She started to understand that her worth is based on the truth that she is made in God’s image. “At AFH you are expected to take full responsibility for your actions, and are given the independence to make either good or bad decisions. The independence here is both the hardest and the best thing about the program. Making the right decisions is NOT easy, but I have learned that I am fully capable of making them”
When asked about her experience at AFH she said, “Outside of my family, I have never felt such love before. I didn’t feel viewed as a patient, but as their friend. This allowed me to see myself as more than all my addictions, but as the person I really am.”
Elizabeth graduated from AFH, and is thriving. The school offered the scholarship back to her, so she is studying neuroscience with aspirations to go to medical school. Her relationship with her family has drastically changed. She enjoys spending time with her parents, and even seeks out opportunities to be with her brother.
“I was given a second chance at life, and the only thing asked of me was to give it my all and choose to truly change my behaviors. There is no doubt in my mind that this was the smartest decision I have ever made,” said Elizabeth.
