{"id":47536,"date":"2025-04-04T13:53:29","date_gmt":"2025-04-04T12:53:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/?page_id=47536"},"modified":"2025-05-12T09:52:51","modified_gmt":"2025-05-12T08:52:51","slug":"theyve-decided-to-leave","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-decided-to-leave\/","title":{"rendered":"They&#8217;ve decided to leave, how can I help?"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-page\" data-elementor-id=\"47536\" class=\"elementor elementor-47536\" data-elementor-post-type=\"page\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4a18ece e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"4a18ece\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-263451d elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"263451d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h1>They&#8217;ve decided to leave, how can I <b>help?<\/b><\/h1>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6e462b1 elementor-widget-divider--view-line elementor-widget elementor-widget-divider\" data-id=\"6e462b1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"divider.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-divider\">\n\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-divider-separator\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-074a603 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"074a603\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h2>On this page:<\/h2><ul><li><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-decided-to-leave\/#triggers\">Triggers to leaving or ending a relationship<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-decided-to-leave\/#ending\">They are ending the relationship, how can I help?<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-decided-to-leave\/#ended\">They have ended the relationship, how can I help?<\/a><\/li><\/ul>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1b3f3b5 elementor-widget-divider--view-line elementor-widget elementor-widget-divider\" data-id=\"1b3f3b5\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"divider.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-divider\">\n\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-divider-separator\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-79ce941 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"79ce941\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Choosing to end a relationship with an abuser is an extremely difficult decision, and it may take a survivor time to decide whether to leave, and to think about how to do this safely.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">The person may decide to\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-decided-to-stay\/\">stay in the relationship<\/a>\u202flonger than you want them to, or you may find yourself\u202foffering help and <a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/how-can-i-help-over-time\/\">support over a period of time<\/a>. However, there are useful things that you can do before someone leaves a relationship, when they end the relationship, or after they have left.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-cba2640 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"cba2640\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ba7a695 elementor-widget elementor-widget-n-accordion\" data-id=\"ba7a695\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;default_state&quot;:&quot;expanded&quot;,&quot;max_items_expended&quot;:&quot;one&quot;,&quot;n_accordion_animation_duration&quot;:{&quot;unit&quot;:&quot;ms&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:400,&quot;sizes&quot;:[]}}\" data-widget_type=\"nested-accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-n-accordion\" aria-label=\"Accordion. Open links with Enter or Space, close with Escape, and navigate with Arrow Keys\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<details id=\"decided\" class=\"e-n-accordion-item\" open>\n\t\t\t\t<summary class=\"e-n-accordion-item-title\" data-accordion-index=\"1\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-expanded=\"true\" aria-controls=\"decided\" >\n\t\t\t\t\t<span class='e-n-accordion-item-title-header'><div class=\"e-n-accordion-item-title-text\"> They have decided they want to end the relationship, how can I help them to get ready? <\/div><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class='e-n-accordion-item-title-icon'>\n\t\t\t<span class='e-opened' ><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-minus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t<span class='e-closed'><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-plus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/summary>\n\t\t\t\t<div role=\"region\" aria-labelledby=\"decided\" class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-97605dc e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"97605dc\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b215e62 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b215e62\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">First of all, it is important to remember that it may take someone\u202fmore than one attempt\u202fto leave or end a relationship while experiencing abuse.\u00a0 You may find it helpful to read about some of the\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-decided-to-stay\/#reasons\">common reasons why people stay\u202fin relationships when abuse is taking place<\/a>, so that you understand some of the barriers and challenges that your friend, family member, neighbour, or colleague may face.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Even if the person does leave or end the relationship more than once, your support on previous occasions will give the person confidence that they can rely on you to help.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Once a survivor has made a decision to end the relationship, it is really important for them to know that you are there for them; ready to offer help and support.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Friends, family members, neighbours, and colleagues have told us that sometimes, just before the end of the relationship, they noticed that the\u202f<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/about-domestic-abuse\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">domestic abuse<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u202fescalated (became worse or happened more often), or that it changed. For example, the birth of a child, children leaving home, or the survivor starting a new course or job.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">As part of\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/how-can-i-help-over-time\/\">supporting a survivor over time<\/a>, it can be helpful to talk with the person about any plans they may have for leaving or ending the relationship.\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/how-dangerous-is-domestic-abuse\/\">Domestic abuse is dangerous<\/a>\u202fand, unfortunately, ending a relationship with an abuser does not always stop the abuse, or reduce the level of danger. In fact, the risk often increases, which makes leaving a relationship a particularly dangerous time.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">It is really important to think about the safety of everyone involved in the situation (the survivor, any children, and those trying to help \u2013 including\u202f<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">you<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"none\">). Careful planning is needed, and one of the most helpful things that you can do is put the survivor in touch with\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/services-and-resources\/\">specialist organisations and services<\/a>. The staff in these organisations are experts in providing support to people who are thinking about leaving or ending a relationship with an abuser. There is also lots of information\u202f<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/the-survivors-handbook\/making-a-safety-plan\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">about safety planning<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u202fin our <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/the-survivors-handbook\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">Survivor\u2019s Handbook<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/details>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<details id=\"triggers\" class=\"e-n-accordion-item\" >\n\t\t\t\t<summary class=\"e-n-accordion-item-title\" data-accordion-index=\"2\" tabindex=\"-1\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"triggers\" >\n\t\t\t\t\t<span class='e-n-accordion-item-title-header'><div class=\"e-n-accordion-item-title-text\"> Triggers to leaving or ending a relationship  <\/div><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class='e-n-accordion-item-title-icon'>\n\t\t\t<span class='e-opened' ><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-minus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t<span class='e-closed'><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-plus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/summary>\n\t\t\t\t<div role=\"region\" aria-labelledby=\"triggers\" class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8789a35 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"8789a35\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a90934 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"7a90934\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Many survivors have told us that there were particular \u2018triggers\u2019 which made them leave or end a relationship with an abuser. Every situation is different, but these are some of the common reasons why the relationship ended:<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><ul><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"12\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">A very violent physical or sexual assault by the abuser<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"12\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">The abuser involving children in the abuse, children experiencing abuse themselves (indirectly or directly) or threats of abuse made against them<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"12\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">A feeling that the danger is increasing (including when threats to harm become worse or happen more often)<\/span><\/li><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"12\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">A sudden understanding that what they are experiencing in the relationship is abuse \u2013 that it is not OK, that they don\u2019t deserve it, and that they don\u2019t have to put up with it.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"12\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">Unfaithfulness by the abusive partner \u2013 this can sometimes act as validation to leave.<\/span><\/li><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"12\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">Opportunity \u2013 for example, the abuser being away from the home, or the survivor being able to secretly reach out for help whilst at work or at a friend\u2019s house<\/span><\/li><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"12\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">Intervention or support by professional agencies \u2013 for example, police, social services,\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/services-and-resources\/\">specialist domestic abuse organisations<\/a>, or healthcare workers. <\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li><\/ul>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/details>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<details id=\"ending\" class=\"e-n-accordion-item\" >\n\t\t\t\t<summary class=\"e-n-accordion-item-title\" data-accordion-index=\"3\" tabindex=\"-1\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"ending\" >\n\t\t\t\t\t<span class='e-n-accordion-item-title-header'><div class=\"e-n-accordion-item-title-text\"> They are ending the relationship, how can I help?  <\/div><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class='e-n-accordion-item-title-icon'>\n\t\t\t<span class='e-opened' ><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-minus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t<span class='e-closed'><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-plus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/summary>\n\t\t\t\t<div role=\"region\" aria-labelledby=\"ending\" class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-72c6d8c e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"72c6d8c\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c60bdb6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c60bdb6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Sometimes survivors of domestic abuse are able to leave or end a relationship in a planned way. Other times, even with planning, women need to leave very suddenly, with almost nothing \u2013 no spare clothes, belongings, or money.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">If the person has the opportunity to plan, they may be able to arrange accommodation (temporary or longer term), buy furniture, change the children\u2019s schools, save some money, or set up new bank accounts, before leaving or ending the relationship.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">You can support them with all of these activities, for example, by letting them use your phone or computer to access support and information, getting their post sent to your address (if this is appropriate), going with them to appointments, helping them to fill out forms, and helping them to transport furniture etc.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\"><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/services-and-resources\/\">Specialist organisations<\/a> and professionals\u202fcan help the person to think through their options as they end the relationship, and you can support them too, as they think about the details. For example:<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><ul><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"13\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">which day and time it would be safest\/best\/easiest to leave<\/span><\/li><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"13\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">where will they go when they leave, and longer term<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"13\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">how they will get there<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"13\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">who they will tell and when (and who they will not tell, because the information might get back to the abuser)<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"13\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">how to make sure any children are safe<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li><li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"13\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">what practical help and support they will need from other people<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li><\/ul><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">If the person has to leave suddenly or quickly, they may have nowhere to go immediately, limited options, and few or no belongings.\u202fSpecialist organisations and professionals, in particular the freephone, 24-hour\u202f<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk\/en\/How-can-we-support-you\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">National Domestic Abuse Helpline<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u202fcan provide quick advice in this situation, including information about emergency or temporary accommodation (for example, spaces in women\u2019s refuges).<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">There is also lots of information\u202f<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/the-survivors-handbook\/what-is-a-refuge-and-how-can-i-stay-in-one\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">about refuges<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u202f(for example, what a refuge is, who can stay in a refuge, how to access a space in a refuge) in our <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/the-survivors-handbook\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">Survivor\u2019s Handbook<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u202f. It may be helpful for you (and the survivor, if she is able) to look at this information, in advance, so that you both have an idea about what to expect. There are also <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/what-is-domestic-abuse\/domestic-abuse-services\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">community-based services<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\"> that may be able to support the survivor, including outreach, floating support, resettlement support, specialist services for children and young people, and drop-in support.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Or, instead, you may decide to let the person stay for a few nights at your home, so that they can sort things out. Only do this if you are sure that both you and the survivor are safe. If the abuser knows where you live, they may come to your address looking for your friend, family member, neighbour, or colleague, so this may not be the safest option.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Your support may also be needed by the survivor to find out her legal options (about the crimes committed against her, about protection, about separation and divorce, and about child custody).<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">There is information about\u202f<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/the-survivors-handbook\/your-legal-rights\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">survivors\u2019 legal rights<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u202fin our <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/the-survivors-handbook\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">Survivor\u2019s Handbook<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">, and there are specialist organisations you can contact which provide more detailed confidential\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/useful-links\/\">legal advice about domestic abuse<\/a>.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Domestic abuse\u202fis about control, and when a survivor ends a relationship, it is common for an abuser to try to regain control. They may do this by saying, \u2018<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">sorry<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u2019 a lot, or by saying that their behaviour will be different in the future, or by using gifts, kindness, and loving words, or gestures towards the survivor, to try to persuade the person to return.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Some abusers say that they will harm or kill themselves in order to get the survivor to \u2018<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">save them<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u2018 by returning to the relationship \u2013 this is a form of emotional blackmail.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">The abuser may also make threats towards the survivor, or the people (and pets) she cares about, in order to make her feel scared and unsure about her decision to leave, making her feel that she might be safer continuing with the relationship.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">The abusive behaviours may get worse, with the abuser \u2018<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">punishing<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u2018 the survivor from a distance, for example, telling lies or making false accusations about the survivor to their colleagues, relatives, friends, or social services, <a href=\"https:\/\/survivingeconomicabuse.org\/i-need-help\/debt\/\">building up debts in the survivor\u2019s name<\/a>, or <a href=\"https:\/\/revengepornhelpline.org.uk\/information-and-advice\/about-intimate-image-abuse\/\">sharing intimate images without consent<\/a>.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">We don\u2019t want to frighten or overwhelm you, but it is important that you understand\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/how-dangerous-is-domestic-abuse\/\">how dangerous domestic abuse is\u202f<\/a>and that, often, the risk of abuse increases when a survivor ends the relationship.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> This is a really important time for both you and the survivor to have <a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/services-and-resources\/\">support<\/a> around you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/details>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<details id=\"ended\" class=\"e-n-accordion-item\" >\n\t\t\t\t<summary class=\"e-n-accordion-item-title\" data-accordion-index=\"4\" tabindex=\"-1\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"ended\" >\n\t\t\t\t\t<span class='e-n-accordion-item-title-header'><div class=\"e-n-accordion-item-title-text\"> They have ended the relationship, how can I help?  <\/div><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class='e-n-accordion-item-title-icon'>\n\t\t\t<span class='e-opened' ><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-minus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t<span class='e-closed'><i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fas fa-plus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t<\/span>\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/summary>\n\t\t\t\t<div role=\"region\" aria-labelledby=\"ended\" class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a82856b e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"a82856b\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d5b7f1d elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"d5b7f1d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">When we speak to survivors of domestic abuse, they tell us that once the relationship has ended, their friends, family members, neighbours, and colleagues often feel very relieved that the abuse has ended and are keen to \u2018<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">get back to normal<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u2018. But this can be very difficult for survivors.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">The first reason why this can be hard, is because the abuse may not have ended, may have changed, or may have increased. This is especially true when the survivor has to have ongoing contact with the abuser, for example, through legal and court processes, with joint child custody, to sort out finances or assets, or if they live or work in the same area.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">A survivor may particularly need support if they have to leave without their children. There are many reasons why someone may have to take this step, for example, she may believe she can\u2019t take the children away from their other parent, their school, or their home.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">One of the most useful things you can do, once the relationship has ended, is to <a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/how-can-i-help-over-time\/\">continue\u202foffering help and support<\/a>. It\u2019s important to <a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/should-i-be-worried\/#notice\">keep\u202fnoticing<\/a>,\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/how-can-i-offer-support\/#whatcanIdo\">learning,\u202fgently asking<\/a>,<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-told-me-whats-happening\/#listening\">\u202flistening<\/a>,<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-told-me-whats-happening\/#responding\">\u202fresponding<\/a>,\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-told-me-whats-happening\/#doing\">signposting,\u202frecording,\u202fthinking about safety, and\u202foffering practical help\u202fover time<\/a>.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Another reason why some survivors may struggle to \u2018<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">move on<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u2018 in the way that friends, family members, neighbours, and colleagues want them to, is because they still love, care about, or miss the abuser.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\">Many survivors have told us that the love they felt for the abusive person did not just disappear because they had ended the relationship.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">The stigma about feelings of love and care for someone who has been abusive can be very silencing. So, giving a survivor the opportunity to voice their conflicting feelings (for example, loving and hating the abuser at the same time) can be very powerful. For this to happen, a survivor needs to really trust the person they tell, and to not feel judged or criticised.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">The survivor may feel that they can talk to you about this, so\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-told-me-whats-happening\/#listening\">listening<\/a>\u202fand\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-told-me-whats-happening\/#responding\">responding\u202fwell<\/a> are important, but try not to feel annoyed or offended if the person would rather talk to somebody independent, like a counsellor, for\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/services-and-resources\/\">emotional support<\/a>\u202f\u2013 some things are just hard to talk about freely with someone who knows you.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Understandably, friends, family members, neighbours, and colleagues who have been offering support, particularly if the situation has been complex or has happened over a long time, are keen to try to forget what has happened, recover, and continue living. We know that this is not easy, and that trying to help in situations of domestic abuse often\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/looking-after-yourself\/\">takes a toll<\/a>\u202fon people.<b>\u202f\u00a0<\/b><\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\">But the<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/what-is-domestic-abuse\/the-impact-of-domestic-abuse\/\">\u202fimpacts of domestic abuse<\/a>, on survivors and on their children, may last for months, years, or throughout their lives.<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Of course, many survivors do recover, thrive, and flourish, and by continuing to give\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/how-can-i-help-over-time\/\">help and support over time<\/a>, you\u202fcan be a really important part of this recovery.\u00a0<\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\">If you<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/looking-after-yourself\/\"> look after yourself<\/a>, you will be in a better position to help someone who is experiencing domestic abuse.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/details>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b0d96b6 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b0d96b6\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3abda33 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"3abda33\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-973e157 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"973e157\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-45adb3d elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"45adb3d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/how-can-i-offer-support\/\">&lt; Back<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4923e73 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"4923e73\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b373f97 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b373f97\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p align=\"right\"><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/about-domestic-abuse\/\">Next &gt;<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>They&#8217;ve decided to leave, how can I help? On this page: Triggers to leaving or ending a relationship They are ending the relationship, how can I help? They have ended the relationship, how can I help? Choosing to end a relationship with an abuser is an extremely difficult decision, and it may take a survivor [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":859,"featured_media":47731,"parent":47448,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"pmpro_default_level":"","inline_featured_image":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"no-sidebar","site-content-layout":"page-builder","ast-site-content-layout":"full-width-container","site-content-style":"unboxed","site-sidebar-style":"unboxed","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"disabled","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"disabled","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2081],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-47536","page","type-page","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-friends-and-family","pmpro-has-access"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>They&#039;ve decided to leave, how can I help? - Women\u2019s Aid<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-decided-to-leave\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"They&#039;ve decided to leave, how can I help? - Women\u2019s Aid\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"They&#8217;ve decided to leave, how can I help? 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