Music is moonlight in the gloomy of the night (Jean Paul Richter)

Music, once admitted to the soul, becomes a sort of spirit, and never dies (Edward George Bulwer Lytton)

Dance is the hidden language of the soul (Martha Graham: 1894-1991)

Music can alter my mind into a state of deep relaxation by allowing my mind to slowly drift away from the current world of pain and sorrow into a world that’s replaced with stillness and silence. Music can also inspire the words in my head to flow onto a page, or an image in my mind, to become a visual picture in my sketchbook. Music can create and encourage laughter; whether it’s that silent laugh in your head or a burst of laughter out loud when nobody is looking. Music can create memories, memories that remind you of dark times of pain, or light times of reminiscence. On the days where the worries seem distant I turn to the song where I can tap my fingers to the beat, while on the other days where the worries are near I turn to the song that wraps it’s arms around me as it gently evokes a feeling of peace and a temporary thought that “everything will be ok.”

As a child, and still with that mind of a child, a yearning dream of mine is imagining myself, and actually being, the singer on stage who’s able to close her eyes and clench her fist as she pours out her emotions, dreams, and secrets with no hesitation or fear of showing her real self. The second dream consists of me, once again, being that one and only, vulnerable dancer on stage who is able to let go and allow herself to feel the emotions as her body moves from a curled ball of sadness and hurt, into a standing figure of determination and poise. I want to feel that freedom of expression and release of emotions so badly, yet every time I try I become afraid and timid, even in the room alone with the door shut. And I walk away from allowing myself to break and feel, really feel.

Given this desire, yet accompanied with fear, one of my major goals at AFH is to be able to create a dance, or movements of expression, that shows that transformation from the curled ball on day one to the hope of a standing figure on graduation day. I know this sounds like a far off goal since I cannot even dance in a room by myself with the door shut, but for many years I imagined being able to check this one off the list. I’ve tried to imagine how life would feel with this item checked. Would it be a life with inner peace and comfort that nobody could take away? Would it be a life where I no longer turn to self destruction to “feel” then numb away the painful, or even uncomfortable pleasant, emotions?  I don’t know these answers but if I continue to let my fear win I will never know these two answers, so I might as well try to give myself the chance to explore the questions and possibly find the answers that have always seemed so distant, yet near….

-Kelly

Dear Friends,

Today I want to feature Elizabeth, a good friend and AFH resident that will be graduating this evening. I asked her if she would be willing to be interviewed for the blog, and she graciously agreed. Below are my questions, with her responses in bold.

Q:  You’re graduating today. Looking back, were there ever times you thought you might not? If so, what got you through those times?

Looking back at my time at AFH, there were some times when I thought I was going to give up and go home. Surprisingly, more in months seven through nine. During this time span, I was doing fairly well with my issues and it was becoming harder and harder to comply with the rules.  Not being able to go on walks for as long as I wanted, and not being allowed to have scissors in my room seemed stupid to me.  I knew I wasn’t going to do anything to harm myself and I was frustrated with having to comply with all the rules.  Coming to AFH and having to not only give up all my unhealthy coping skills, but almost all of my control, is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.  One can only last so long before they start to go crazy having to show respect to staff at all times and such. (continue reading…)

As we near the end of the first quarter of 2010, I wanted to take time to celebrate our strong start to the year.

- Thanks to our loyal and generous donors, we ended 2009 with a balanced budget. This is always a great way to start a new year!

- We launched a new website (www.helpforwomen.net), which is much more user-friendly. It contains lots of information for potential residents and their families, as well as helpful information for our supporters. Already we have received more phone calls from potential residents who tell us they found our website.

- As of early February we have a full house, and women on the waiting list. Having seven women in the program keeps staff quite busy. A full program enables more discussion in groups, increases our grocery bills and utility costs. The residents also enjoy sharing the daily and weekly chores with more ladies! (continue reading…)