Dear Friends,

Today I want to feature Elizabeth, a good friend and AFH resident that will be graduating this evening. I asked her if she would be willing to be interviewed for the blog, and she graciously agreed. Below are my questions, with her responses in bold.

Q:  You’re graduating today. Looking back, were there ever times you thought you might not? If so, what got you through those times?

Looking back at my time at AFH, there were some times when I thought I was going to give up and go home. Surprisingly, more in months seven through nine. During this time span, I was doing fairly well with my issues and it was becoming harder and harder to comply with the rules.  Not being able to go on walks for as long as I wanted, and not being allowed to have scissors in my room seemed stupid to me.  I knew I wasn’t going to do anything to harm myself and I was frustrated with having to comply with all the rules.  Coming to AFH and having to not only give up all my unhealthy coping skills, but almost all of my control, is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.  One can only last so long before they start to go crazy having to show respect to staff at all times and such.

Q:  Can you reflect on a few of your favorite moments here, as well as a few of the hardest?

My favorite time at AFH  was the camping trip we took this summer.  I had a blast hanging out with all the girls and the staff in such a relaxed environment…making some of the most creative smores I’ve ever seen, and cooking our meals as a team around the fire.  It taught me a lot about each of the women here, just hanging out with them like I would any of my other friends in the “real world”.  I felt like I bonded so much with them and I will treasure that trip forever.  Some of the hardest times at AFH have been saying goodbye to residents prematurely.  I had gotten extremely close to a few of them and loved them like sisters.  Not only was I saddened about not getting to be around them and continue developing our relationships, but I was saddened for them, that they were leaving a place of safety and a place that they could grow and change.  I have full confidence in these women that they can live successfully, and that they were able to learn many things here.  But looking at my life, and how much more difficult it would have been if I left the program at month four or five…it would have been an enormous struggle, compared to living here 10 months and learning a tremendous amount of things about myself.  It saddens me that these women will not have the same experience I was so privileged to have.

Q:  In what ways have you changed in the past 10 months?

My life has changed in every way imaginable; my relationships with God, family, and friends, and in how I value myself.  When I first came to AFH I hated God and wanted nothing to do with Him, but my idea of God was completely built on lies.  I viewed God as an angry tyrant waiting to punish me for anything thing I did wrong.  My God is not like this, my God is a loving father full of grace and mercy.  My sins sadden Him, but He is always waiting for me with open arms.

There were also many grudges I held against my parents for things that were mistakes of their own.  I had many anger issues, and was unwilling to let go of even the most minor mistake.  Because of these lies I had believed about God, and my anger, I felt completely unlovable and unable to reciprocate any love.  Rather than basing my value on the love God has for me, I based my value on the world and its standards.

Q:  If you could change anything in the program, what would it be?

I would add a soda fountain in the dining room for us to access at anytime in the day.

Q:  If you could make sure one thing about the program never changed, what would that one thing be?

The independence and responsibility the staff places on the residents.  This has been the most beneficial aspect of the program, and without it I know I would not be anywhere near prepared to transition out of the program.  I know that some woman come expecting to be monitored 24/7, or that the program will be more intense and controlled.  But this is what makes AFH unique, how else are the woman who come through this program ever going to learn to live life when they’re controlled so vigorously that the “real world” is a shock to their system?  Without the personal responsibility given to the residents, AFH would not be AFH.

Q:  What’s in store for you after graduation?

After I graduate I will be moving back to Springfield, Missouri where my family lives.  I have been awarded a full-ride academic scholarship to study neuro-science.  I never in a million years would have believed I would be healthy enough to live out on my own.  I always believed I would have to be supported both financially and physically by others.  But I am proud to say that I will be moving into my first apartment this weekend, starting work Monday, and school two weeks from now.  I can hardly wait for the upcoming months, and what the rest of my life holds.  I understand that life isn’t always going to be rainbows and roses, but it is, however, what you make of it.  I have strength through my Lord and Savior to live a successful life, and mistakes no longer have to determine my life.

Q:  For any girls out there struggling with the decision of whether or not to apply here, what would you say?

To those considering applying for A Friend’s House, I first have to say that your success is ultimately in your hands.  When you have come to a place in your life where you know you cannot go on any longer, and are ready for a change, this is the place to go.  With that said, AFH is not here to hold your hand step-by-step throughout the day.  What AFH is here for is to guide you through life, to be your friend, and to show you the truth you have been blinded to.  When you come to AFH, you will be welcomed with open arms but you will also be expected to start taking responsibility for your life.  If you’re serious about changing and willing to start some of the hardest work in your life, A Friend’s House is waiting for you.

Please keep Elizabeth in your prayers as she begins this new chapter in her life!

Love in Christ,
Emily