Dear Friends,

This week has gone by incredibly fast. I can’t believe it is already Friday! One of the things I was worried about before I decided to come to A Friend’s House was the fact that the program was much longer than other standard treatment programs. Even though I definitely wanted (and needed) the benefits of a long-term program, I kept wondering if I was really committed to sacrificing what seemed like such a big chunk of time. After a little bit of thought, I realized that if I continued on with life in the manner I was living it, it would truly be losing that same amount of time. If I sacrificed nothing, I would gain nothing.

So I decided that I was willing to make that commitment despite the fact that I would lose some freedoms that, at the time, I would have preferred to keep. Like any other 20-something in America, I spent way too much time on the internet. Facebook was my primary means of communicating with friends I’d made in college that lived hundreds of miles away from me. I wasn’t thrilled about the idea of not being able to contact them as easily and freely as I wanted to, but on the other hand, even when I talked to them, it was mostly just small talk. I wanted very few people to know the depths my depression had reached, so I told only my very best friend from college what I was going through, and even with her there were parts I left out or glossed over. With this in mind, I reasoned that the limits on communication could benefit me. I wouldn’t be getting—or giving—drunken phone calls or texts in the middle of the night, because I wouldn’t have access to my cell phone. I wouldn’t be wasting half the day surfing the internet, because computer time would be very limited and geared toward productivity. Instead of drowning out my negative thoughts by watching mind-numbingly ridiculous reality TV shows, I would be spending my days learning how to change my thinking patterns. I would finally have to follow through on my pledge to quit smoking—it isn’t allowed here. It took me a little while to decide whether or not I was willing to give all of that up. Regardless of the fact that I was making bad decision after bad decision after bad decision, I convinced myself that the freedom to do so was absolutely necessary. Despite the fact that I was living in a cage, it was at least a cage of my own construction.

In coming here, I have realized that I am still completely free to make choices. Even just deciding to come here was one of the most important choices I could have made. In doing so, I have chosen to place myself in an environment that will help me avoid the things I want to avoid and focus on the things I need to focus on. I have chosen to receive help instead of attempting to do everything on my own. I have chosen to seek accountability for my actions. I have chosen to seek to improve my circumstances, but more important, I have chosen to improve my ability to cope regardless of my circumstances. I chose to be receptive to the love and help that the people here at AFH offer. In coming here, I decided to live life instead of just existing.

One paradox about coming here is that contrary to what I expected, I lost very little and gained a whole lot. I lost a few things in life that I had become pretty attached to, like Facebook, my cell phone, and cigarettes, but in giving them up I was able to realize how little value those things actually hold. I now focus on the more important things, like growing in my faith, character development, and learning healthy coping strategies. I have been empowered, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

Love in Christ,
Emily