Dear Friends,

This past week felt like a turning point for me. I started running again, which may seem like a “little” thing, but it is something I haven’t done in years. It was one of those things that I thought about and thought about and placed in the “someday” column, believing that I wasn’t in good enough shape to run. After talking to our therapist, Sue, I was encouraged to quit letting fear get in the way of accomplishing my goals. So I let go of the excuses, I let go of the fear, and I made a plan to run five days a week for the next 12 weeks. I plan on continuing beyond the 12 week point, but I didn’t actually write out the plan further than that yet. The first day I ran was pretty amazing–I didn’t go far, but I proved to myself that I am a lot more capable than I give myself credit for. The second and third days went smoothly too, although I had to use positive self-talk to keep myself going because my muscles were sore from the previous days. The fourth day, though, was a little different.

In my head I had built up how horrible it would be if someone saw me running and thought, What is she doing running? She is so out of shape!  What a joke! And at one point, near the end of my run, two guys drove by and the one nearest me poked his head out the passenger side window, looked at me, and laughed very loudly. I would like to say I believe it was just coincidence, and maybe it was, but at that moment what I had feared seemed to be occurring. For a split second I wanted to stop running, cry, and wallow in self-pity…but I didn’t.  I kept going, I started praying, and in a few seconds I started to focus on the fact that I was running despite being out of shape and I felt darn good about it. I decided not to care what anyone else thought–something that for me, as a people pleaser, is extremely hard to do. A minute or two later, a couple of the staff from A Friend’s House passed me and gave me a little cheer out the window. They had no idea what had occurred only moments earlier, but it was just what I needed at the very time I needed it.

We always hear people say, “God’s timing is perfect.”  This was an instance in which the truth of that statement was very apparent. He knew that I would be running down that street and that the guys would pass me and laugh out the window. He knew that whether or not they were actually laughing at me, I would believe that they were because of my fear. He knew that it would be difficult, but that it would be beneficial for me; I learned that it was no where near as big of a deal as I had imagined when I built up the fear in my head. He also knew that the AFH staff members would drive by, see me, and encourage me.  Our God truly is an awesome God.

Right now, running is one “small” thing that I can do, but I am certain that the mental and psychological effects will spill over into the other areas of my life. Despite my fears, I will continue to run. Little by little I am gaining confidence in a  way that I never have before coming to A Friend’s House and because of that, for the first time in a long time, I am truly excited about life. 

Love in Christ,

Emily